Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
