we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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