So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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