The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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