I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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