and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
