i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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