I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
