Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
