Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
