he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
