Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
