tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
