Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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