What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize