A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
