i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
