I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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