I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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