a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
