i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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