My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
