you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We need to rekindle our bromance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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