she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Houston, we have a blender
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
