I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
MIDGETS
????
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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