I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
