I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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