He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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