Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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