I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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