I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
