Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
