I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
