Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
