I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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