Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
