i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
