I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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