It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize