This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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