hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it because I queefed?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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