Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
