i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
