I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
