quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
