You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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