Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
