And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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