this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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