If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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