is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
