there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
