My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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