community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
