Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
