Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
