Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's get the cat blown out
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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