I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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