Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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