I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
