I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
