You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
